Friday, July 1, 2011

The Birds

When I first arrived, I was charmed by the birds of Paris.  Big fat gorgeous doves, with soft cooing voices.  Docile and trusting--they allow you to nudge up next to them so you can take a nice picture of the adorable Parisian birds.

Awwwww . . . . How nice!

The birds of Paris are demonic creatures.  If you do not feed them, they will kill you.  KILL YOU.

The other day, I was just hanging out at Notre Dame, taking pictures of a late 19th-century monument of Charlemagne when all the sudden I was almost viciously killed by a pack of sweet, cooing doves.  A man I will henceforth call "Harbinger of Doom" (HoD), was entertaining a pack of unsuspecting tourists by feeding the birds.  As people held their arms out (all martyr-like), HoD had the doves alight on their hands and arms, as people watched with (misguided) glee and amusement.

Then, at moment's notice, the pack (herd? horde? murderous rampage? Hellz no I'm not going to call it a "flock") of birds suddenly took to the skies, and swarmed towards the Monument of Charlemagne.  Tourists screamed, ran, ducked for cover, reached for their BB guns and umbrellas and, to nutshell it--all hell broke loose.  The sculpture become covered with the birds--waiting and biding their time until they could fly back, one by one, to start their reign of terror anew.

One of the evil spawn returning to his master . . .
The very next day, two birds flew down to my (unscreened and therefore completely exposed) window.  I would have taken a photo, but I was too busy readying my arsenal (i.e. frantically looking around for ways to defend myself should worse turn to worse).  And to think, I contemplated putting up a damn birdhouse for the little hellions.

The moral of this story?  It's all fun and games until people's faces start getting ripped off.

Dinosaurs --> Birds --> Alien monsters of death.

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